Merry Christmas!

We are looking forward to this Christmas! We will be spending Christmas in California with my grandparents, visiting my Aunt and Uncle that live there. We are still not pregnant. my wish for Christmas this year is that we will have a baby by next Christmas! Only time will tell whether this will come true. For now we are remembering Emby as I would have been about 27 weeks pregnant around Christmas.

This is our Christmas card that we sent out this year, I made them on www.minted.com.

Lots of love from our little family to yours on this Christmas season!

October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day

Today we remember our baby that we never got to meet or see. I think about her every day (Paul says he thinks it was a girl). I am still riding a roller coaster of emotions, some days I am understanding that this obviously wasn't in our plans and other times I am so bitter and sad about our shattered dreams. We already had a plan for this little life the second we knew we were pregnant and it feels like it was all taken so quickly. It is hard having nothing to hold or see from our baby since we never got even an ultrasound picture. I would have been 16 weeks pregnant now. Only a few short weeks away from finding out whether Paul's guess was right! It's hard to believe and hard to let go. I still get sad often and I am sure I will always be sad on milestone days, like my due date which was officially April 3 after my ultrasound. Paul has been so great, he is so supportive. I know it can't always be easy to be the strong one but he really is. I'm thankful I always have his shoulder to cry on. I am very open with everyone about what we have gone through with the loss of our pregnancy and am so grateful for the support we have received from our loving friends and family. It is surprising how many women go through a miscarriage that you never knew about! We are hopeful our family will expand by one (or more!) soon but are comforted in knowing it will happen in God's perfect time.

On a different note- only three weeks of work left until I officially move to London and am permanently reunited with my husband and furry babies, Lily and Spaz! Can't wait!

Jessica

Thanksgiving

Happy thanksgiving to all of our loved ones! We have so much to be thankful for this year! We hope and pray that this next year will bring even more blessings, memories and a little bundle of joy to share this day with next year!

The next chapter

On friday we made the big move to London, ON for my husband's schooling. It was a very hectic week leading up to the move with both of us working quite a bit on top of trying to pack up 3 houses. After many late nights and tons of help from both of our sets of parents, we were off. I think the distraction of moving really helped with keeping my mind off everything else that had happened a couple weeks before. 

We are so excited to be starting this new chapter of our lives. We have moved into a 3 bedroom townhouse with plenty of room for a potential future nursery ;). We spent the weekend trying to get the majority of the boxes unpacked before I had to return to our hometown for work on Tuesday. I am currently filling in for a maternity leave at the dental office I work for, which will be completed on November 1. We are counting down the days until I can be in our home 24/7 with my husband (only 58 days!!). 

Today is Paul's first day back to University. I am sad I wasn't able to be there to give him a hug and kiss on his way out the door but medical school is expensive so we are thankful that I still have a job even if it is two hours away! 

I will post some pictures of our new home once I get a chance to upload them! 

Jess

Our final Goodbye to sweet Emby

After more blood work and another ultrasound, we now know we did miscarry, as we were told before, and I have passed everything. As much as this is sad news for us, we are glad that we know that everything has passed and that we can start fresh and move on with our lives as newly weds! We are still so thankful for everything God has provided for us, especially this wonderful network of family and friends that have made this time a little easier. Thank you all! This isn't the end of our journey to starting a family. The doctor says it typically takes a couple months for your body to recuperate all it's resources and get back to normal, but I am healthy and young so here's hoping we will be blessed with another gift from above soon!

Hopefully we will be posting again with exciting news of a second chance in the near future!

Jess & Paul

Glimmer of hope

We are back in the er today. My obgyn called me after receiving the paper work from Sunday and said the results were not conclusive of a miscarriage, more blood work and another ultrasound were needed to determine if i am experiencing a miscarriage for sure. I was beyond happy to hear this as there is a small chance we may still have our baby but at the same time if it is true that we have lost this pregnancy then some of the emotions we have been feeling since Friday will be refreshed again.
We are waiting now to hear the final results and still praying for good news.
Jess & Paul

Prayers needed

We found out today that my pregnancy is not viable for life and that I am experiencing a miscarriage. Baby is still implanted but doesn't have a heartbeat and should pass in the next few days. It has been a very tough day for me and Paul. This has been a real reminder as to how precious the gift of life is. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
Jessica & Paul

Frightening Moments

Yesterday morning we got up for what was to be a busy day ahead. We were travelling to London to visit with close friends of ours and then to Grimsby to visit family. The day started off normal but around 10 o'clock I started noticing some spotting followed by worse cramping then I have experienced so far in my pregnancy. I knew both of these things are quite common in early pregnancy so we continued on with our day. Once we arrived in London the bleeding began to get heavier and cramping began to be severe. I started getting much more worried than I had been that morning. As we left London for Grimsby we were debating a trip to the ER. After a full two hour drive to Grimsby full of worrying and praying we decided to tell our family that we were visiting about the pregnancy (it was still a secret) and we all decided that it would be best if I did go to the hospital.

We were taken in right away, which I was grateful for. We spoke to the doctor and he ordered blood work, and a transvaginal ultrasound. The blood work was completed first, I am terrified of needles and after the traumatic experience of my prenatal blood work being done on Tuesday- only 4 days ago I was quite nervous this time around. The nurse that took my blood was very nice and they took a lot less blood which was nice (still 6 vials!). After waiting what seemed to be an eternity the doctor came in to do the ultrasound. He first did an exam and found a "specimen" to send away for tests (could be part of the baby if I am miscarrying). Following that he did the ultrasound and was not able to find a heartbeat, but he wasn't able to get a clear view of my uterus.

He told us that I am having what they call a "threatened miscarriage". This term is really given to most early pregnancies that experience bleeding but about 50% result in miscarriage. My HCG level (pregnancy hormone) was on the low end of normal for a six week and two days pregnancy. He ordered a shot of RhoGAM as I am B- and my husband is A+. This is more to protect my future pregnancies as it won't affect this pregnancy. The shot was sore, it is a thick solution that gets injected and it takes a while for it to be absorbed so this morning I was tender as well, but thankful that I was able to receive the it.

The next step for us is to get another set of blood work done, along with a second ultrasound at a bigger hospital with better weekend equipment. If my HCG levels are down from last night and they still are unable to find a tiny heartbeat then it will be clear that I am experiencing a miscarriage.

We are still hopeful and praying that God has kept our sweet baby safe and sound, but if not we know that it is the way this was all supposed to happen and we will be thankful for the precious gift of life we received for six short weeks.

We will be going to a bigger hospital tomorrow so we can receive a diagnostic ultrasound and get a clear picture as to what is happening with our baby.

Jessica & Paul

The Big News!!

It was the morning of July 25, I couldn't even sleep because I was so anxious to get up and take the final test I was to use for that month (I had already taken two negative tests). After 4 dreams that it was a positive test, I couldn't help but get out of bed and put an end to all this anxiety! After waiting the long 3 minutes (which I was getting pretty good at waiting for!) the test showed a half positive reading! I ran downstairs and woke Paul up practically yelling, "IS THIS POSITIVE!!!!???!!". We came to the conclusion that nothing would show up at all if the hormone was not present, but we would do a few more tests, just to be sure.

After 3 more test, it was a sure thing- We are PREGNANT! We are feeling beyond blessed to be expecting a sweet bundle of joy for April 4, 2012. We hope to keep all of our family and friends updated in this blog!

After getting the idea off Pinterest (my go to creativity treasure chest), I really wanted to do weekly belly bump pictures with our chalkboard. Here is my pre-baby shot along with our announcement shot- 5 weeks pregnant!!

Who knew I was nearly 3 weeks pregnant already!

5 weeks pregnant! I feel like my belly has grown so much already!

Don't even mention the word twins...

 

So far I have not had any morning/any time of the day sickness! Thank goodness! My first symptom was bloating, MAJOR bloating. My husband thought it was all in my head, clearly it wasn't! I think that's what is making me looking so pregnant, not two sweet buns in the oven. Next came the cravings- homemade salsa, lemon meringue pie,  cherries, pickles with cheese. Not only that but I am hungry ALL the time. This has been the toughest change since I don't get many breaks at work (I am a Registered Dental Hygienist) and if I don't get to eat shortly after the feeling comes I get light headed! It's awful! After that came the exhaustion. I cannot get enough sleep! It's been hard adjusting to this. When I'm out of energy, I have to lay down.

All of these changes are just a sign to me that there are even bigger changes happening inside of me! It's all worth it for our sweet little "Emby", the gestational name we have given our gift from above.

I can't wait to share this special journey with all of you!