Emby's Due Date

Today should have been so different. 

I was due to have our first child today. Today was supposed to be the day I have been imagining for years, the day when I would hold our sweet baby in my arms and become a mother. Instead I am working a 12 hour shift and trying my absolute hardest to hold it together until 8pm when I get off work. I will not be with my husband, I'll be two hours away. 

Since I will not be in our home today, Paul and I commemorated our baby E earlier in the week by planting poppies. They've always been one of my favourite flowers and when I saw the kit earlier in the week I couldn't resist. It was perfect. We had been struggling to figure out a way to remember our baby. So many of the ideas I've seen require you to be in a permanent home- we are only renting. There was no way I was going to plant a beloved tree or butterfly bush only to move and leave it here 2 years later. Then I found the poppies. 

You grow only 6 seeds in a little pot and are to plant the rest of the seeds in your garden. We saved the rest of the seeds for when we move into our own house.

Of course our baby girl's pot had to have diamonds on it!

Now we just wait for them to grow. Today we are remembering, loving and celebrating the short time we were pregnant with our baby this side of heaven. 

Emby- we pray that you can feel our love in heaven, that you're brother is there with you today and that you are in God's arms instead of ours. You are so loved and missed.