A month in the life of trying.

Another unsuccessful month of trying to conceive has past, which means another month of the emotion roller coaster is over and we have begun the steep hill of the month to come. For many of my friends and family it is hard to support me through this ride as, thankfully, most of you have never been on this ride! So I thought I would write a post explaining our average month, or cycle and the emotions I experience.

Day 1: The day usually starts of with me peeing on ANOTHER negative pregnancy test. We're going through so many these days we've started buying them in bulk of Amazon. After this test, the reality sets in that I will likely be getting my period today, so I wait. I'm usually experiencing some pretty severe cramping as I have had since I was a teenager before my period. Then it comes and the devastation really sets in. I sadly push the "start period" button on my ovulation tracker app and look over the ' most fertile' days for the next month. I've learnt that I need to try to keep busy with something around this hard time of the month, so our house is always super clean around the beginning of my cycle.

Days 2-5: After coming out of my low time, we start to get optimistic about the coming month and the excitement it could bring! Many hours are spent talking to friends and family with conversations that go something like this, "Another disappointing month... I really thought this month would be the one... I know it will happen when it's supposed to... yes, hopefully this month!". I know these conversations can't be easy, but I am very thankful to have people around me who will have them with me every month.

Days 6- 20: These are the very optimistic days of trying, hoping that we will get the timing right this month, dreaming of when my due date would be if it happens, how I'm going to tell my husband in some special way if we are expecting.

Days 21-28: I usually start having some symptom of pregnancy in this time period. If you've ever really been looking for something it's amazing what you can find! I think any little tummy ache is morning sickness, if my boobs get sore(which they do every month) I'm elated and chalk it up to pregnancy rather than my upcoming menstrual cycle. It's so silly, but it happens EVERY month.

Days 28-30 or 32: I usually can't hold out any longer I just have to start doing tests. I honestly have no idea how anyone who is trying to get pregnant can wait until their period is late to take a test. Every morning I think, " today will be the day", and it never is but I always think, "maybe I'm the 5% that comes up negative". I'm usually having cramping, which is awful since I know what is inevitable. Then the cycle starts all over again.

Although we are trying to stay positive and we know we are still early in this process, it's getting harder and harder. Here's to hoping this month will be the one!